Transfer Day!

Reunited and it feels so good...

Transfer day was finally upon us and we were excited and nervous! Our transfer was scheduled for 2pm, so we had some time to get work done in the morning and get our ducks in a row. Steve and I decided to head to Reno early because of some predicted thunderstorms in the Sierra and I thought it would be nice to have lunch before our transfer. It would also give me a chance to use the restroom before stocking up on fluids as they require a full bladder with transfer and I didn't want to have to be stuck sitting in the car, dying to pee.

For lunch, we decided on Olive Garden and I got myself what will hopefully be my final diet caffeinated soda for quite a while, plus a water, which I waited to drink until after lunch. At the end of our meal, I went to use the restroom for the final time and the server brought the bill and politely asked Steve if we had any exciting plans for the rest of the day. "Why yes!" he responded, "We are going to be reunited with our embryos!" Needless to say the server was a little shocked by his response but wished us well, lol!

When we arrived at the clinic, a little early, I was already bouncing in my seat and by the time they called us back into the room, my eyes were filling up (from having to pee)! Dr. W showed us a picture of our thawing embryos (due to my age and embryo quality, we choose to transfer two) and due to the fact that one was hatching, he suggested we get the show on the road. This was much to my relief because I had to pee!

Both Dr. W and the NP commented on how full my bladder was but pushed on anyway and I was dying! I could hardly focus on anything but having to use the bathroom! I guess I didn't need the third water we took to go from OG.

In awe and amazement, we watched as the embryologist brought our little peanuts into the room and loaded them into the catheter and watched in awe again, on the ultrasound screen as we saw a little flash of white, that was our little peanuts being transferred into my uterus. It was magnificent, we were both speechless.

When it was over, Dr. W reclined the table and set the timer, 15 minutes of inverted calm before I could pee. He left the frozen ultrasound image of our transfer on the screen and put on soothing music and Steve and I reveled in the miracle that had just taken place. At that moment, I was pregnant until proven otherwise. I had two, perfect little miracles inside me. In a few weeks, we will know if one or both of our embryos have snuggled in for the long haul. We hope and pray that they do.

Introducing, our embryos!

We were finally able to sit down with our doctor and discuss our embryos! We even got to see pictures of them and they are beautiful. The love I feel for these little bundles of cells is overwhelming. Our clinic grades embryos on a scale of one to three (one if the quality is not great and three is a perfect) and our embryos are all grade two, which is great news! That means that the cells that will develop into the fetus are grouped together nicely and the cells that will become the placenta are also formed together nicely.

I am all cleared to start prep for our frozen embryo transfer which means twice weekly inter-muscular shots for a few weeks and then every day inter-muscular shots of progesterone. These will be a little more intense than the every day shots I had to do subcutaneously but I know I can do it!

I noticed that we've had a lot of views on our IVF updates and I just want to thank everyone for your continued love and support! So without further ado, five of our six embryos!

Final Embryo Count

We have SIX embryos! SIX! I am very happy with that, especially due to the face that for my age range, only 37% of embryos make it to day 5/6 freeze and over half of ours did!

I would have liked to transfer two of our little embryos back this week, but I am only now (almost a week later) starting to feel better from the OHSS and it would have been too dangerous for me to have had them transferred back. So, we plan to do a FET or Frozen Embryo Transfer next month and we will reunite with a couple of our embabies then!

Egg Retrieval and First Fertilization Report!

WOO HOO! We had 21 eggs retrieved and I am super uncomfortable. It is day two and I feel like death. I can barely move and it hurts to even laugh.

At our ER, the doctor informed us that doing an embryo transfer, in five days, as we had originally planned, will not be possible :(  I have already started to develop OHSS, which is painful and is exacerbated by pregnancy. I am disappointed but in far too much pain right now to fully comprehend how much it sucks to have to wait to transfer any embryos we might have.

On the plus side, 15 of our 21 retrieved eggs were mature and 11 fertilized normally. So as of this moment, we have 11 little embryos chillin in the lab in Nevada! We expect this number to drop dramatically, as only 37% of embryos make it to freeze or transfer on day 5 (a freeze in our case due to the OHSS).

Finally getting ready for ER

My originally egg retrieval date has been pushed back twice but now we are finally on track to stop the stabbing and get ready to have these eggs retrieved. My doctor gave the go ahead to do the trigger shot tonight, which begins the ovulation process, so that they can extract the eggs at my retrieval!

The only problem is that I am at risk for OHSS, which is not surprising as I am already incredibly uncomfortable and my doctor says we should expect to retrieve somewhere between 15 and 20 eggs. So, for the next 7-10 days I am not allowed to drink water and must instead drink gaterade and whey protein shakes. I have a feeling this is going to get really old, really quick.

IVF is uncomfortable

Our first monitoring appointment showed a good number of follicles on each side, which is great news. The only problem; they were growing kind of slowly so the possibility has arisen that instead of ten days of poking myself with multiple needles and buring medications, I will have to continue to do so for another day or two. At this moment, when I am bloated, uncomfortable, in pain and have ovaries the size of Kansas, the idea of continuing to shove needles in my distended stomach is not an appealing one. BUT, it will help us accomplish our end goal: to get as many mature eggs as possible for fertilization, so I will do it and I will try to smile while doing so!

And We're Off!

A few weeks ago, I started a shot a day, with Lupron, to quiet everything down. The shots were easy, as the medication requires the use of an insulin syringe which are very small, so I barely feel a thing.

Things are moving very quickly and I have moved on to the big guns, two medications: Gonal-F and Menopur, in addition to the Lupron. These meds stimulate follicle growth. The hope is that my body will grow as many follicles (with eggs in them) as possible so the eggs can be retrieved in a little over a week and then fertilized.

I am normally terrified of needles. I hate them. I used to have panic attacks when I would have to get a shot or have blood work done but I have learned that this is a mind over matter thing. Not to mention the fact that I just don't have any other choice, IVF means injections. There are no oral meds for this so shots it is and shots I will do!

At first, I was icing my stomach before the shots so that I wouldn't be able to feel them (especially for the Menopur because the medication stings) but after a couple of icings, I realized I could still feel the shots so this morning I went ice free and it really wasn't that bad. So I am going all out, just poke and push, no icing necessary. One of the ladies I know said I was a bad ass for doing my own injections and for not icing but I have to say, I don't feel like a bad ass, I am just doing what has to be done.

My first monitoring appointment is coming up, at which, we will find out just how many follicles are growing and whether or not all these medications are working!


***a little side note: while I have written each of these posts as they occurred, I scheduled them to post a couple weeks after they were written. I've done this because if, for some reason, we have to deal with a negative aspect of IVF, I would like some time to deal with it privately before broadcasting it to the world***

Surgery and IVF

Infertility treatment always seems to be a series of stops and starts. Just when you think you're on your way, something happens that either slows you down or brings everything to a halt. When we visited the doctor to get everything started with our IVF cycle, we had one of those hiccups that isn't a full stop, but puts a little wrench in our plans.

Before starting IVF, the doctor does a Saline Infusion Sonohysterography (SIS) or water ultrasound to make sure everything looks good inside the uterus so there aren't any problems with implantation after the embryo is transferred. Normally, it's a fairly quick and relatively painless procedure that only takes a few minutes, but I've never been accused of being normal. I've had two prior to this one and while uncomfortable, they don't last very long, and since my previous doctor never gave me any indication that he had seen anything but a "beautiful uterus and lining," I didn't expect to hear anything different this time.

I'll save you the gory details but basically, there were some difficulties with actually being able to get the catheter in, because my cervix didn't want to play. Then, when the doctor began to fill my uterus with saline, I could even see, on the sonogram screen, that something didn't quite look right with my uterine lining. For my first SIS, everything looked smooth and pretty and my lining was very even. For my second, there was one part that looked a little "thick" but nothing to be concerned about. For this SIS, my lining looked... weird. Like rolling hills, rather than the flat plains. What does this mean? Endometrial or Uterine Polyps  which mean bad news for an embryo trying to attach itself to my uterine wall. The polyps just get in the way and stop little embabies from being able to hold on.

So, our only option is a hysteroscopy and polypectomy at the end of next week, before proceeding with IVF. We certainly don't want to attempt IVF without giving those pesky polyps an eviction notice! On the plus side, this will not delay the cycle but it does mean being put under so they can be removed. It also means that because it is infertility related, our insurance is of little help. Again. At this point, I am only surprised when we find out our insurance will cover something!

I know that we are in good hands with this doctor and he will do an excellent job but I am a little nervous, so I will take all the prayers and positive vibes I can get! I'm ready to get this part over with so we can get the IVF show on the road!


As always, if you would like to help contribute in any way, we would appreciate it! Please click on the "How to Help" tab at the top of the page.

You Are Not Alone

This year I am kicking off National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) by participating in Resolve’s, Bloggers Unite! I am excited to not only share with you information about Infertility but am happy to remind those who are suffering in silence that, you are not alone.

1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility. One in Eight! That means that you most likely know someone who is dealing with infertility and many go through this journey alone. I am sharing my story today so those who are going through the same thing know that they are not alone. I am also sharing my story to let everyone know what it is like to go through infertility.

Infertility is defined by the inability to conceive after a year of frequent intercourse. Due to the fact that I knew it would take a little while for us to get pregnant, we did not share the news with our family and friends in 2009 that we were trying to conceive, plus, we didn’t want our lives to revolve around trying to get pregnant. We were taking the laid back, it will happen when it happens approach and decided that we could pleasantly surprise everyone when it happened. I believed that if we just kept trying, if I just relaxed more and we just “let it happen,” then I would get pregnant  because that’s what I have always heard. People say things like, “It will happen when God wants it to happen” or, “Just have fun! It’ll happen soon enough!” People don’t say things like, “If you’ve been trying for a year, you should see a doctor” or, “Have you tried temping and charting to make sure you’re ovulating?” In fact, we’re led to believe (since 5th grade sex ed) that it only takes once and you’ll be pregnant and for some people, that’s true but for many couples like us, that is not the case. We never imagined it would take so long. Month after month, year after year, nothing happened. Even armed with the knowledge that endometriosis would make it difficult to conceive, we expected with each month, that I would get pregnant. After four years, we had no surprise news to share and eventually, our doctor suggested that it was time to get help.

Going to the Reproductive Endocrinologist was not what I expected, although I will admit I went into it rather blindly. Many women do a lot of research before their first appointment; I just read the clinic’s website. When I filled out the book of forms before my first appointment, there was a question that said: What type of treatment option are you looking for? And I wrote: MAKE ME NORMAL. All I wanted and expected was to be given some kind of magic pill that would help me get pregnant. Easy peasy. Sadly, that was not the case.

First, there were a litany of tests; blood work, transvaginal ultrasounds, saline sonograms and a semen analysis. We were told that my husband’s tests were normal and everything looked good. On my end, however, we were looking at possible Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Endometriosis, a blocked left tube and scar tissue around my right ovary.

To begin, we started with Femara, a trigger and timed intercourse. We just weren’t ready for anything invasive. We still believed that we just needed a little push to get pregnant. Just a little nudge and that would do it. Plus, the idea of the trigger shot alone gave me massive anxiety. I’m not a nurse! You want me to give myself a shot? The first time I did the trigger shot, I was so nervous, I poked myself and pulled the needle back out before I pushed the plunger! Fail!  But the timed intercourse didn’t work. And then it didn’t work again.

We moved on to IUIs (intrauterine insemination) but still didn’t share our journey with anyone for two reasons. The first reason is that I wasn’t sure I could handle my own disappointment and the disappointment of everyone else. I already felt like a failure. This was MY fault. The second reason is because with each cycle, we were sure it was going to work. We were positive that we would still be able to surprise everyone with the news that we were pregnant.

Two months of medicated, timed intercourse, three IUI’s, one cancelled IUI and a year later, we were forced to accept that what we were doing wasn’t working. My doctor sat me down and said that it was time to move on to IVF.

IVF had always seemed like this expensive, dark, looming cloud. For the longest time, I thought it was only something celebrities and other rich people were able to utilize and we assumed that if we ever came to this point, it would be the end of our journey because it was not something that was obtainable for us.  IVF is not covered by our insurance. Until that point, we have been fortunate enough to have some insurance coverage for my infertility treatments, however, due to recent changes in the health care system, we will no longer even have the coverage that we once did.  While our policy says that it covers “50% of the diagnosis and treatment of infertility” there is a large list of exclusions including: medications for the treatment of infertility, artificial insemination and IVF. So basically, it doesn’t cover anything at all. While the little coverage it does offer is somewhat helpful for testing, it does not help people like me with blocked tubes and scar tissue build up from endometriosis.

Who has close to $20,000 just sitting around waiting to be used to make a baby? While there are loans for infertility treatment available, the interest rates are incredibly high. Just the idea of applying for a loan is daunting. You find yourself thinking, if I get a loan that I have to make payments on for two or three or four years, what will I be depriving my future child of in order to be able to make the loan payments? How will I pay for their needs and contribute to a college fund and pay for the loan I had to take just to be able to get my body to work properly so I could have the child in the first place? Instead of just the normal financial concerns of how to afford having children, you have to add the amount of money you have to spend just have the chance to have a child.

BUT, ever the optimists, we decided to try and figure something out. We started saving and fund raising. We cut back our spending to practically nothing. Want a candy bar? Nope. We need to save the money for IVF. We stopped eating out, cut down our cable bill and stopped going shopping for anything that wasn’t a necessity. There was a time when I bought a pair of $50 shoes without batting an eye. Now, I side eye shoes priced over $15 and only buy them if I have worn through the soles on my only pair. So here we are today, moving forward (finally) with IVF and speaking out so that other's know they are not alone.

That is why I have such a passion for Infertility Awareness and NIAW is especially important to me. I believe that we need to change the social stigma that surrounds infertility and educated each other about what infertility looks like and what the treatment options are. It is a taboo subject in our society which makes many people afraid to talk about it or speak up when they are suffering. We infertiles beat ourselves up enough, we already feel broken or damaged and making infertility a taboo subject makes us feel like outcasts.

So speak up, support your friends who are suffering from infertility and educate yourself so you understand what it means to be infertile and what the treatment options are. No one should go through a journey like this alone.

Go to the Then Comes Family facebook page and download a banner to use as your Facebook cover picture to let everyone know that you support the 1 in 8 who suffer from infertility: https://www.facebook.com/ThenComesFamily?fref=ts

For more information and understanding the disease of infertility, check out:
http://www.resolve.org/about-infertility/what-is-infertility/

For  more information about NIAW go here:
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

For Friends and Family of those who suffer from infertility, click here:
http://www.resolve.org/support/for-family--friends/

We are moving forward!

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Gradually, the disappointment of being unable to participate in the study has worn off and it is time to move forward.

After lots of conversations between Steve and I, exploring the possibility of NaPro surgery and discovering that it won't work for me and a phone consult with my new doctor, we have decided to move forward with a May/June IVF cycle! We are finally going to have a chance at conceiving Baby Lane!

It's exciting and scary at the same time. My doctor believes that we have an excellent chance of being successful with one attempt and our chances are even greater with one round of IVF and a (hopefully not needed) second round with an FET (frozen embryo transfer).

We will start the ball rolling with blood tests at the end of the week and I'll be going in to meet with my doctor in about two weeks for a saline sonogram to kick things off... which is when payment is due (gulp). We've had so many generous donations to our IVF Fund and appreciate them greatly. We wouldn't be able to move forward without them. Now, we're in our final push for fund raising and every little bit helps (and I really do mean ANY, from $0.50 to $20, we will be grateful)!

If you'd like to contribute, check out our fundraising site here.

Update on our Study Participation

Going through infertility treatments has a lot of ups and downs and sadly, I've experienced another down. Unfortunately it looks like the study is going to close earlier than expected which means I will not be able to participate.

While we are disappointed, we knew that we weren't guaranteed a spot until I was able to complete my blood work. It's frustrating to feel like we've been shut down every time we've tried something new but that does not mean we are giving up! We will continue to save and fund-raise until we reach our goal and realize our dream.

Thank you for all for your continued support!

Finally Getting Closer!

I haven't updated my blog in a while because, well, I haven't really had any new news on the IVF front but today, I can say, we may finally be moving forward. We stopped IUI's in May and have been saving and fund raising ever since we found out IVF was our only option. We've continued to live our lives to the fullest, are happy and healthy and celebrate every wonderful day we get to spend with one another. Not surprisingly, however, my infertility and only treatment option are never far from my mind as I continue to support my friends in their journey's. 

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In the fall, a friend told me about a clinical trial for a new IVF medication but study participants have to be between the ages of 35 and 42. I was still 34 so I couldn't qualify for the study and I pushed it from my mind. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I was drinking some coffee and starting my day when a question popped into my head, "I will be 35 in a few weeks, I wonder if that study is still running?" I looked up the study online and discovered that it is still going on and that a clinic in Reno is participating. I immediately called the clinic, explained my situation and was put on hold. When the receptionist came back she asked me a few more questions and scheduled me for a consult! The deadline for participant enrollment is at the end of March and they wanted to fit me in for an appointment as soon as they had one available.

I was elated. Not only could this be our chance to do IVF, but the study is for a new medication that would be more affordable than the current medications used during a typical IVF cycle. Even if it doesn't work for me, I could be given the opportunity to provide valuable information to the medical community as they develop new and better medications to use in the IVF process. In addition, the study covers the cost of the most expensive medication used in IVF and offers a discount for the procedure.

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On our appointment day, Steve and I drove the two hours to Reno to meet with our (potential) new doctor and staff. Unfortunately, suffering from infertility and going through multiple failed rounds of treatments has left me overly prepared for disappointment. While I had hope, I am a realist. The criteria for disqualifying study candidates is long and the closer we got the clinic, the more certain I was that I would not meet the criterion for becoming a participant.

At our appointment, we met the nurse and doctor with whom I would be working. They were both very nice and put us both at ease. We sat down with the doctor and after an hour of talking, discussing my diagnoses, the vitamins and supplements I take, response to medication, failed treatment cycles and options for moving forward (he is in agreement with my former doctor in recommending IVF with ICSI), he explained the details of the study and said that I am a potential match as a study candidate. After a brief TV ultrasound, he said that everything looks good for moving forward and he gave us all the study paperwork and instructions for when to return.

At the end of March, I will go back for another ultrasound and blood work. If everything still looks good, I will begin prep for IVF. It is not yet guaranteed that I will be a study participant but so far, so good. It's progress.

The entire IVF process is not a mad dash, it is more like a slow crawl towards an ever moving finish line. Patients are constantly evaluated, with ultrasounds and blood tests, to determine if the medications are working and how quickly (or sometimes slowly) follicles are developing. Dosages are changed as are expected egg retrieval dates. All-in-all, we expect to travel to and from Reno no fewer than 12 times and the study length is 42 days. We're closer than we've ever been to have a chance to reach our dream of becoming parents and we welcome all the prayers and positive vibes you can spare. It has not been and will not be an easy path but it is one that we are excited to embark upon.

So, that's my update! We are thrilled at the prospect of finally being able to move forward and are dazzled by the idea that within a year, we could have our own tiny human. We know that we have had many of you praying for us and sending us good thoughts along the way and are grateful for all the love and support everyone has shown us. We cannot express how much it means to know that you all care. Thank you for your continued love and encouragement as you follow our journey, it's what gets us through.

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I will post more blog updates as we go through the final study approval process and then (hopefully) IVF. As always, my main goal with this blog is to inform and educate. I hope you continue to join us on our Quest for Baby Lane.

We still need your help! If you'd like to contribute and help make our dreams come true, 

please click on the "How to Help" tab at the top of the page.

Cast off the Island of Fertiles, Meet Meagan

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Infertility is hard to talk about, for those who live with it and for those who have never experienced it. I imagine that it’s mostly because infertility revolves around reproduction, which revolves around what happens in a couple’s bedroom. That makes it a touchy subject.

However, while people may be uncomfortable talking about reproduction, they bring it up children all the time without batting an eye: “How long have you been married?” is always followed by, “Do you have any children?” A seemingly well-meaning question, one asked out of curiosity with perhaps an attempt to find common ground. Yet that can sometimes be a difficult or awkward question when asked of someone who is infertile, especially because the answer, “No.” is often followed up with the question of, “Why not?” or “When will you have children?”

This leaves someone who is infertile in an awkward spot. If they answer honestly, “We don’t have children because (insert IF diagnosis here)” the question asker often feels uncomfortable because they a) don’t understand what that means, or b) didn't really want to know that much about your reproductive system. Sometimes, answering the question honestly also leads to well-intentioned but uneducated advice: “Well, I am sure if you just relax, it will happen” which is crushing when you have a medical diagnosis for a condition that prevents you from having children. It implies that “just relaxing” will take your disease away.

I’d like to change all that. I would like people to feel comfortable answering the often asked question. I would like people know and understand infertility and everything that goes with it. If the general public has an understanding of what infertility is and what the treatment options are, as well as an understanding that anyone can be infertile, it will lead to more compassion and understanding all around.

This is why, when my online friend Meagan offered to guest post on this blog, I was delighted and immediately took her up on her offer. It is important to understand everyone’s story and diagnosis, to hear their own perspective and outlook, to better understand what other’s go through so that we may be more sensitive, more understanding and more supportive.

Let’s break the silence about infertility together. So everyone, meet Meagan!

Tell us a little about yourself. I am 30 and hubby is 32. We have been married for 2 years, but have been together for almost 10!! We live in the Deep South. In the two years we have been married, I have watched (almost like an outer body experience) my body fail me. Right after we were married (two weeks) I was diagnosed with a dermoid tumor that had to be surgically removed. During that surgery it was discovered I had Stage 2 Endometriosis. We were told that if we were going to have kids, it was now or never. We never got the "honeymoon" period of being newlyweds. We had a missed ectopic that resulted in another surgery to remove my right tube less than a year after my previous surgery. This has left me with an abnormal right ovary (I do not ovulate from this side) and a poly-cystic left ovary and a left tube. In literal terms, I am at 50% capacity on natural TTC. 

The topic of infertility is often a taboo subject, why do you think that is and what do you think we can do to change that? I think it's because it's uncomfortable to talk about. It's deeply personal. IF consumes who that person is, and no one knows how to deal with that. To change that perception, we need to educate. I operate under the rule that I cannot get upset or mad at anyone if they say something insensitive because they do not know what I am going through. In that regard, I try to live my life according to that thought. I cannot walk a mile in someone else's shoes if I make no effort to understand what they are dealing with. That requires me to educate myself and LISTEN. I think if we can reach the "everyday" person we will make better headway in raising awareness of IF.

How long have you been trying, what is your diagnosis, what treatment methods have you tried (and if you feel comfortable) what has been the financial cost of treatment? We have only been trying a little over a year. In that time, we have been pregnant once that ended in a missed ectopic. That, in turn, ended up in emergency surgery because of a partially ruptured right tube. Our IF issues are strictly on me, the double whammy of Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis have made it so my RE was amazed we got pg in the first place. Right now, I am at the very beginning of my IF journey. We are doing Clomid (I am on my third cycle now) with TI (timed intercourse) and trigger. Our IF journey will lead to IVF, we were told that in our initial consult and it hasn't changed. It knocks the wind out of your sails to hear that. Financially, even doing TI (which is cheap in comparison) is still quite expensive and very time consuming.

Many people have ideas (or misconceptions) in their head already of what treatment will be like. Did anything about treatment surprise you? Oh gosh, yes! I remember going into our consult with the RE thinking "this is it! We are gonna get our baby!!" I figured I would swallow a magic pill and end up pregnant. I was COMPLETELY wrong!! I didn't think that it would be so time consuming. I have to plan my life around monitoring appointments, BDing, etc. It's crazy!! I, in essence, feel like a lab rat every month. Also, I hate needles and in IF, your life revolves around them.

How does being infertile affect your life? IF consumes my life. No matter how hard I try not to let it, it sneaks in and takes over. The thing about infertility that no one thinks about is that it IS a disease. It affects a person physically, mentally, and emotionally. I thought I had a lot of triggers in life being a loss mom, but adding IF on to that and it's ridiculous!! I have been told so many times that I need to relax and reduce my stress and I will magically get pregnant. No, I will not if my ovary does not produce a good enough egg. I think that is where there is a disconnect. Even my hubby thinks that if I reduce my stress, it will be "fixed". IF doesn't just go away because stress is reduced or you lose weight or get drunk. It is still there, lurking, waiting to remind you of what you cannot do.

What made you decide to “come out” about your infertility? OR Are you open about your infertility? I think for me, it was because I didn't want to handle the questions. Those that knew about our loss were already asking if we were going to try again. I wanted to cut those off at the pass if I could. Not to mention, where I live in the Deep South, having children is a right of passage. We (women) are raised that having children is the greatest blessing we can have. I believe that is true, but I do not think that loss moms or IF moms need to be looked down on because we cannot do what others can. I do not go around shouting that I am infertile, but if someone asks, I am very open about what we are dealing with. I do not believe in sugar coating things and I lay it out straight. It tends to make people think about those probing questions b/c sometimes the answer is not what they want to hear.

Everyone knows that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month but few people know it is also Pregnancy Loss and Remembrance month. As someone who has experienced a loss, what do you think is the most important thing for people to know in order to support someone close to them who has experienced a loss? I just wrote about this in my blog post. I think the most important thing to do for someone who has experienced loss is to listen. Be present. There is a lot of stigma associated with pregnancy loss. Loss moms experience a lot of guilt b/c they feel it's their fault their baby died. It's not. Being there, being present, and supporting loss parents during this raw time is the best thing to do. Do not ask if you can do something, do it. They will thank you, after, when they can breathe again. My best friend drove 2 hours to be with me after our loss. I could hardly say two words to her, but she was there for a whole weekend to help us. She cleaned, brought me flowers, and held my hand. I will never forget that as long as I live. She did not trivialize what we went through and she held on to our memory with us. A good thing to do is, if you know loss parents, to light a candle on October 15th. It is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day. Light a candle in honor of a child and let that parent know. It will mean more to them than anything. Any time you can mention their child, you are validating their loss, reminding them you have not forgotten.

What is something you would really like people to understand about infertility? It doesn't go away if you "just relax" or "go on vacation" or "get drunk". It is a disease like diabetes. It's always there and for some it requires taking daily medications to have a body even marginally ready for pregnancy. Just for IF, I take 5 different medications and supplements to prepare my body. I have been doing this since July. It sucks to be reminded daily that I take this pill b/c this is low or I take this b/c my cycles are stupid. It will never go away and because of everything we are having to go through, hubby and I are talking about whether we want more than one child. This is something those unaffected by IF will never understand. It's heartbreaking and soul shattering and physically exhausting. It's a roller coaster with more valleys than peeks, but it jerks you around hard. It's degrading, demeaning, and plants a scarlet letter across your chest. It's scars, tears, and mourning of hopes and dreams. Mostly, it's lonely. Couples have been cast off the island of the fertiles. They have been relegated to the island of misfits, where their intimate life is figured down to a science.

Thanks so much for letting me do this!! I appreciate the opportunity. 

The Walk of Hope

"The name "Walk of Hope" embodies the emotion that most people living with infertility feel. They are hopeful their dreams of family come true. Some hope to simply find a peaceful resolution to their infertility journey. A Walk of Hope is an event that represents the infertility journey—a series of small steps, each one filled with hope and a reminder that no one should walk on this journey alone." source

On Saturday the 20th, I went to Resolve's Nor Cal Walk of Hope and it was an awesome experience. For those who don't know, Resolve is The National Infertility Association. They provide support and resources to people with infertility, treatment, those who have experienced a loss, those going through adoption, resources for friends, family members and so much more. They are an awesome resource and advocate for those struggling with infertility.

I got to the State Capitol at 9am and met up with my sister and niece, checked in and then walked around a bit. There were booths for the local IF clinics and they were giving out all kinds of free gifts; water bottles, t-shirts, pens and paper, reusable grocery bags with their logos on them and Resolve was giving away free FRERs and OPKs! There were also booths for support groups, and a booth for The Art of IF.

 

 

Then, a new friend Janell, met up with us. It was really nice to meet someone in real life who is going through all this and understands the struggles and ups and downs of infertility.

Around 10am The Resolve staff and MC for the event started the rally and the Sac State cheerleaders got everyone warmed up for the walk. There were prizes awarded to the team with the most people, best dressed fur baby and the team that raised the most money for Resolve. Then it was time for the walk to begin. Everyone lined up with their teams and walked through a big group of cheerleaders cheering us on. It was like at a football game, when they announce the players and they run through the double lines of cheerleaders - pretty cool!

One of the cool things was that there were women with babies and pregnant women there as well. One of the pregnant women was wearing a shirt that read: "5 Years and 4 Cycles of IVF" it was written across her baby bump. The back of her shirt read: "Don't ever give up." I love to see that those who have struggled with IF hold the rest of us and our feelings in their hearts. We are still supported and cheered on by those who have finally had success.

It was a really cool experience and I am honored to have been able to take part in such an awesome event.

Guest Poster: Infertility and Adoption

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One of my biggest goals, in being open about my infertility, is to spread awareness and I love being able to do so through this blog, especially when it becomes an outlet for people to tell their story and offer their perspective. A week and a half ago, I participated in The Walk of Hope (post and pictures coming soon) and also had a dear friend volunteer to share her story here.

Leah and I became acquainted through the online infertility community and she and her husband have decided to pursue adoption earlier than they had originally planned, due to infertility. Without further ado, here's Leah!

I’d like to start by thanking Sam for inviting me to share my story. IF is not something that is often thought of or discussed, but it’s something many of us struggle with. And while I am so grateful for the different options that are available now to “treat” infertility, it’s something that becomes a part of you and forever changes the way you think and view the world.

How long have you been trying, what is your diagnosis, what treatment methods have you tried (and if you feel comfortable) what has been the financial cost of treatment?

I stopped taking birth control in November 2012 and we started trying in earnest in January 2013. After a year without success, we went to have testing done at the RE. Unfortunately we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility, which essentially means that the testing is not advanced enough to actually be able to define the cause. We both had some borderline lab abnormalities, but nothing that was obviously the cause of our IF. Prior to having IF, I had decided that I never wanted to undergo IF treatment, so it was quite the internal struggle after hitting the year mark and trying to decide what to do next. However, in looking up adoption, I realized what a huge financial commitment adoption is, so we decided to do a few treatment cycles of clomid/IUI before pursuing adoption. Unfortunately my first cycle got cancelled due to over-response on the low dose clomid (which is why you NEED to be monitored while on clomid. I had 6-7 follies on 50 mg of clomid; there was no way I would have known without ultrasound monitoring). The next 2 cycles we had 1 and 2 follicles respectively and were able to do the IUI, however unfortunately both ended in BFNs. We were lucky enough to have insurance coverage for testing (except for random bills that got rejected ~$5-600), but treatment is 100% OOP for us. For those three cycles, with one cancelled, we probably spent between $3-4,000.

How has infertility affected your life?

 Infertility has had a huge effect on my life. Many negative, and some that are positive. I have never been as sad/close to depression as I was while coming to terms with IF and going through failed treatment cycles. I feel like it’s also made me more pessimistic/bitter. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that good things can really happen when you’re faced with so many failures. On the positive side, I do feel like I’ve become more empathetic. You never have any idea what people are going through. My decision to do treatment after deciding that I “never” would also helped me to appreciate how easy it is to judge people’s decisions, but unless you’ve been in the place to have to make that decision, you have no idea what you would really do. I think that’s a really important thing to keep in mind instead of making snap judgments about others. Another positive is that through IF, I have met the most amazing, supportive people.

What is the hardest part about treatment?

 The BFNs. As hard as natural cycle negatives are, the treatment cycles are so much worse.

What made you decide to “come out” about your infertility?

I decided to come out about my IF because I’m a pretty open book. Plus I hate the stigma that IF has. If you tell someone you have diabetes or had appendicitis you get offered sympathy. If you tell someone you have IF they tell you to “relax” or “just get drunk.” Plus, I felt like I was carrying around this terrible burden that I couldn’t share with anyone. There are just certain situations that are difficult to be around while struggling with IF. And at least if people know, there can be some understanding about why you might not be able to hold your friend’s newborn baby or why you might leave a baby shower a little early. Luckily, everyone has been super supportive since I’ve come out about our IF.

What made you decide to move on from infertility treatments to adoption?

Adoption has always been something that I’ve been interested in. In an ideal world, we would have had 4 bio children and then adopted or fostered once our kids were older. So when it came time to decide, IF treatment or adoption, we were happy to go ahead and get testing done. If they could just tell us what was wrong and there was a treatment/fix for it. Unfortunately, we got the dreaded unexplained IF. Which in a way gives you hope that maybe someday you’ll get pregnant naturally and you just need more time, but in another way just says they don’t really know what’s wrong or how to treat it. As I mentioned above, the only thing that really pushed us towards IF treatment in the first place was cost. After a few failed IUI cycles, my husband and I had to sit down and have the talk about whether we were willing to go forward with IVF or adoption. I know that people do more IUI cycles than we did, but being 100% OOP, we just needed to do something with higher success rates. The pricing between IVF and adoption around here is about comparable, especially if you have to do more than one cycle. And since adoption was what was really in my heart rather than more IF treatment, we decided to go ahead with adoption at that time.

What has been the most difficult part of your adoption journey?

I think the two most difficult parts about adoption are the financial burden and the unpredictability. Going with domestic infant adoption, you’re looking at pretty significant costs, especially when you don’t make tons of money and have a lot of school debt.  We’ve had to make pretty significant changes in our money spending patterns – missing my good friend’s wedding in Mexico being one of them. We also have looked into more unique ways of saving money like plasma donation. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not regret any of these things for one second and it is SO worth it. But on bad days it just seems unfair to think of much you are financially invested into something that for many people happens for free. Plus then after you have this huge investment you still have all the same costs that other parents have. The unpredictability was also a huge struggle for me. At least with IF, I knew approximately when I was going to be disappointed every month. With adoption, you can go from having a totally normal day, to finding out that a baby was born and they need to know rightthissecond if you’d be interested, to being devastated that the mother chose someone else all within a 24 hour period. It’s really hard to reconcile all of those feelings and still go about your normal day. And I guess I’ll add a third thing that I’ve struggled with: that feeling of not being worthy. At least with domestic infant adoption, it’s the expectant mother who hand picks which couple is chosen. Which is great, I’m happy that she has the opportunity because I’m sure that makes this terribly difficult decision just a little bit easier. But on the other side as prospective adoptive parents, every time a parent chooses another couple you suffer from that gnawing fear that you’re not good enough. And maybe you aren’t really meant to be parents. As someone who has never in my life won a popularity contest, I had many days that I feared that we would never be chosen. Even though in my heart I KNOW we’ll be great parents.

What is something you would really like people to understand about infertility and moving on to adoption?

My biggest pet peeve is the countless number of people who like to tell you about their friend xyz who adopted and then all of a sudden got pregnant. This bothers me both from an infertility perspective and a hopeful adoptive parent perspective. First, from the infertility standpoint, this is essentially saying that relaxing or not trying is the cure for IF. Which, clearly it is not. And it’s so hurtful that people think that’s an okay suggestion. And secondly, from a hopeful adoptive parent standpoint, this REALLY bothers me. To me, if feels like people are saying that you’re just adopting in hopes of having a biologic child. People saying that makes it sound like the child that I hope to adopt is not as desired as the child I could carry biologically. And that is absolutely and completely not the truth. I hope and dream for this child that I can adopt. While I may or may not ever have a biologic child, which is something that is completely separate from my desire to adopt. So please, don’t ever, ever tell someone going through the adoption process that now they’re going to get pregnant.

BE the Change

Mahatma Gandhi said: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

He was right. If you want things to change, you have to find your voice and make the change. 

For a long time I have been complaining about the fact that the law in California that mandates the coverage of infertility treatment, specifically excludes the coverage of IVF. It makes me angry and it's unfair. How can a medical procedure not be covered by medical insurance?

I have complained, and complained and COMPLAINED about how ridiculous this is. We do not want to do IVF (it's not exactly a bag of laughs). We are not opting to do IVF rather than have a child naturally. We have no option to be able to conceive except through IVF because I have a medical condition.  I have whined and moaned and obsessed about the fact that IVF isn't covered by insurance, but have not actually tried to do anything about it because..well...how? How can one person make a difference?

Then I saw a news story on change.org and a light bulb went off. I CAN make a difference. I CAN be heard and I can make sure that others are heard as well.

I have created a petition to change the law that excludes IVF from coverage. You can be the change and sign it and let your voice be heard too! 

Let your voice be heard by clicking here.

The Waiting Place

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The first time I heard Dr. Seuss's Oh, The Places You'll Go! was at my high school graduation brunch. A friend read it aloud to all of us and I have found, throughout the years, that it applies to pretty much everything in life. There will be hang ups. There will be hard times. There will be times when you just have to wait. Right now, I am in The Waiting Place. It happens a lot during infertility treatment.

When you first go to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) you are gung-ho and ready to go. You have a long consult, ultrasound and the doctor orders lots and lots of tests. And then you just wait.

After what seems like forever, you finally start your first round of treatment and for the first two weeks there are a slew of ultrasounds and medications and blood work until you are waiting. Again.

Any new diagnosis or treatment plan change due to any problems that come up along the way? Guess what? You have to do some more waiting!

It seems like there is always something for which you have to hurry up and wait.

Some of you have asked, "When are you doing your IVF?" That is an excellent question and one I wish I was able to answer. We had hoped to be able to "cycle" in August but it looks like that will have to be pushed back a bit. Right now, we are saving money and applying for grants. So here we sit, in the waiting place, hoping to escape soon!

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If you are interested in helping us out of "The Waiting Place" click the link "How to Help" at the top of the page!

Citations

The Best Thing About Being Infertile

Often times in our lives, we focus on the negative things. It's easy to do. It's easier to give in to the negative emotions, easier to wallow in our sorrows. It is hard to remember that for every dark cloud, there is a silver lining. While there are many difficult things that go with being infertile, there is one spectacular thing: the community.

As I have mentioned before, there is a large online support system for women with infertility and throughout my journey I have come across many amazing women who offer unwavering love and support.

An example of this support came for me at an unexpected moment from a woman I have never met in real life. Caroline, fellow blogger from In Due Time, made me an offer I couldn't refuse. As a Stylist for Stella & Dot she offered to host a Trunk Party to fund raise for our infertility treatments! 20% of the profit from purchases made will go towards our Quest for Baby Lane. I was so touched by her offer and surprised by her generosity for a couple she's never met. It reminded me that there is hope and support around every corner.

To participate and shop for a cause, click the link below and get to shopping! You don't have to wait until the 1st, you can start shopping online, today through August 22nd. And don't forget to share it with your friends! Look good and feel good about where your money is going!

Samantha Lane's Trunk Show

Friday, August 1, 2014 | 7:00 PM

Let's Shop & Raise Money For Fertility Treatments!

Hosted by Samantha & Caroline

Breaking the Silence

When I was first received my IF diagnosis, I did what any normal person would do and scoured the Internet for resources and answers. For hours. And days. While obsessing researching, I discovered a multitude of support networks online. It was like an underworld for infertiles! It took a while to find the right one for me but soon, I had found a group of incredibly supportive women, all at different stages in their journey and all knowledgeable about a plethora of topics revolving around treatment options, diagnosis and medications.

One of my goals (besides raising money, click here to donate), in being open about our infertility journey, is to raise awareness about infertility and what women who suffer with this disease go through. One of the reasons that Infertility is such a taboo topic is because people don't really know that much the diseases that affect a woman's fertility AND they don't understand the treatments.

To help raise awareness and combat disinformation, some of the ladies I know have offered to open up about their infertility, treatment, journey so far and plans for the future.

So, without any further ado, please welcome, my friend Kate!

Kate, How long have you been trying, what is your diagnosis, what treatment methods have you tried (and if you feel comfortable) what has been the financial cost of treatment?

·         We have been TTC since August 2011. After going off the pill and not having a period, we went to the doctor to figure out what was wrong. After a series of tests and ultrasounds, it was determined that I have hypothyroidism and PCOS. My husband also had a sperm analysis and that was deemed to be good.

o   After that we started medicated cycles.

§  4 clomid cycles

§  1 femera cycle with trigger

§  1 injectables only cycle with trigger

§  3 clomid and injectable cycles with triggers

§  1 clomid/injects/trigger and IUI

·         We discovered during this IUI that my husband’s good count is gone. The count and motility were down to basically nothing.

§  1 clomid/injects/trigger and IUI

·         Sperm count increased and had better motility

§  2 femera/injects/trigger and IUI

o   After this many cycles and no baby, we decided to take a much needed break. Financially, these cycles cost about $1000-$1200 each- including monitoring and medications. Additionally, I traveled to St. Louis Mo (4 hours away) for each monitoring appointment.

How does being infertile affect your life?

·         I have a hard time being around children nowadays. It is physically painful to see them (especially my friend’s children) and makes my heart ache. I have lost friends over this battle due to comments they have made. Recently a friend of mine who knows every step of our journey told me that she “wishes I would hurry up and have kids so we can be in the same place in our lives”. I would if I could!

What made you decide to “come out” about your infertility? OR Are you open about your infertility?

·         I was fairly quiet about my journey, but I wouldn’t say I wasn’t open. This year at Christmas my sister put together an indiegogo fundraiser for me. She was able to raise $600 and surprise me with me it. After that, I have been very open. I have a blog that I kept updated and linked to my Facebook account, but I haven’t posted since our break started.

What made you want to do IVF?

·         We have not decided to move onto IVF at this time. Right now we are seriously considering a childfree lifestyle.

What is the hardest part about treatment?

·         The hardest part about treatment would be all the hormones raging through you. They gave me the worst mood swings ever!! I felt so bad for my husband.  Look up ecards on Clomid and you will understand. J Honestly, it really took a toll on my marriage.

What is something you would really like people to understand about infertility?

·         Infertility is a heartbreaking disease. Please be sensitive about your comments, even those about your own children. There are people out there who would love to be in your shoes.