Surgery and IVF

Infertility treatment always seems to be a series of stops and starts. Just when you think you're on your way, something happens that either slows you down or brings everything to a halt. When we visited the doctor to get everything started with our IVF cycle, we had one of those hiccups that isn't a full stop, but puts a little wrench in our plans.

Before starting IVF, the doctor does a Saline Infusion Sonohysterography (SIS) or water ultrasound to make sure everything looks good inside the uterus so there aren't any problems with implantation after the embryo is transferred. Normally, it's a fairly quick and relatively painless procedure that only takes a few minutes, but I've never been accused of being normal. I've had two prior to this one and while uncomfortable, they don't last very long, and since my previous doctor never gave me any indication that he had seen anything but a "beautiful uterus and lining," I didn't expect to hear anything different this time.

I'll save you the gory details but basically, there were some difficulties with actually being able to get the catheter in, because my cervix didn't want to play. Then, when the doctor began to fill my uterus with saline, I could even see, on the sonogram screen, that something didn't quite look right with my uterine lining. For my first SIS, everything looked smooth and pretty and my lining was very even. For my second, there was one part that looked a little "thick" but nothing to be concerned about. For this SIS, my lining looked... weird. Like rolling hills, rather than the flat plains. What does this mean? Endometrial or Uterine Polyps  which mean bad news for an embryo trying to attach itself to my uterine wall. The polyps just get in the way and stop little embabies from being able to hold on.

So, our only option is a hysteroscopy and polypectomy at the end of next week, before proceeding with IVF. We certainly don't want to attempt IVF without giving those pesky polyps an eviction notice! On the plus side, this will not delay the cycle but it does mean being put under so they can be removed. It also means that because it is infertility related, our insurance is of little help. Again. At this point, I am only surprised when we find out our insurance will cover something!

I know that we are in good hands with this doctor and he will do an excellent job but I am a little nervous, so I will take all the prayers and positive vibes I can get! I'm ready to get this part over with so we can get the IVF show on the road!


As always, if you would like to help contribute in any way, we would appreciate it! Please click on the "How to Help" tab at the top of the page.

You Are Not Alone

This year I am kicking off National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) by participating in Resolve’s, Bloggers Unite! I am excited to not only share with you information about Infertility but am happy to remind those who are suffering in silence that, you are not alone.

1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility. One in Eight! That means that you most likely know someone who is dealing with infertility and many go through this journey alone. I am sharing my story today so those who are going through the same thing know that they are not alone. I am also sharing my story to let everyone know what it is like to go through infertility.

Infertility is defined by the inability to conceive after a year of frequent intercourse. Due to the fact that I knew it would take a little while for us to get pregnant, we did not share the news with our family and friends in 2009 that we were trying to conceive, plus, we didn’t want our lives to revolve around trying to get pregnant. We were taking the laid back, it will happen when it happens approach and decided that we could pleasantly surprise everyone when it happened. I believed that if we just kept trying, if I just relaxed more and we just “let it happen,” then I would get pregnant  because that’s what I have always heard. People say things like, “It will happen when God wants it to happen” or, “Just have fun! It’ll happen soon enough!” People don’t say things like, “If you’ve been trying for a year, you should see a doctor” or, “Have you tried temping and charting to make sure you’re ovulating?” In fact, we’re led to believe (since 5th grade sex ed) that it only takes once and you’ll be pregnant and for some people, that’s true but for many couples like us, that is not the case. We never imagined it would take so long. Month after month, year after year, nothing happened. Even armed with the knowledge that endometriosis would make it difficult to conceive, we expected with each month, that I would get pregnant. After four years, we had no surprise news to share and eventually, our doctor suggested that it was time to get help.

Going to the Reproductive Endocrinologist was not what I expected, although I will admit I went into it rather blindly. Many women do a lot of research before their first appointment; I just read the clinic’s website. When I filled out the book of forms before my first appointment, there was a question that said: What type of treatment option are you looking for? And I wrote: MAKE ME NORMAL. All I wanted and expected was to be given some kind of magic pill that would help me get pregnant. Easy peasy. Sadly, that was not the case.

First, there were a litany of tests; blood work, transvaginal ultrasounds, saline sonograms and a semen analysis. We were told that my husband’s tests were normal and everything looked good. On my end, however, we were looking at possible Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Endometriosis, a blocked left tube and scar tissue around my right ovary.

To begin, we started with Femara, a trigger and timed intercourse. We just weren’t ready for anything invasive. We still believed that we just needed a little push to get pregnant. Just a little nudge and that would do it. Plus, the idea of the trigger shot alone gave me massive anxiety. I’m not a nurse! You want me to give myself a shot? The first time I did the trigger shot, I was so nervous, I poked myself and pulled the needle back out before I pushed the plunger! Fail!  But the timed intercourse didn’t work. And then it didn’t work again.

We moved on to IUIs (intrauterine insemination) but still didn’t share our journey with anyone for two reasons. The first reason is that I wasn’t sure I could handle my own disappointment and the disappointment of everyone else. I already felt like a failure. This was MY fault. The second reason is because with each cycle, we were sure it was going to work. We were positive that we would still be able to surprise everyone with the news that we were pregnant.

Two months of medicated, timed intercourse, three IUI’s, one cancelled IUI and a year later, we were forced to accept that what we were doing wasn’t working. My doctor sat me down and said that it was time to move on to IVF.

IVF had always seemed like this expensive, dark, looming cloud. For the longest time, I thought it was only something celebrities and other rich people were able to utilize and we assumed that if we ever came to this point, it would be the end of our journey because it was not something that was obtainable for us.  IVF is not covered by our insurance. Until that point, we have been fortunate enough to have some insurance coverage for my infertility treatments, however, due to recent changes in the health care system, we will no longer even have the coverage that we once did.  While our policy says that it covers “50% of the diagnosis and treatment of infertility” there is a large list of exclusions including: medications for the treatment of infertility, artificial insemination and IVF. So basically, it doesn’t cover anything at all. While the little coverage it does offer is somewhat helpful for testing, it does not help people like me with blocked tubes and scar tissue build up from endometriosis.

Who has close to $20,000 just sitting around waiting to be used to make a baby? While there are loans for infertility treatment available, the interest rates are incredibly high. Just the idea of applying for a loan is daunting. You find yourself thinking, if I get a loan that I have to make payments on for two or three or four years, what will I be depriving my future child of in order to be able to make the loan payments? How will I pay for their needs and contribute to a college fund and pay for the loan I had to take just to be able to get my body to work properly so I could have the child in the first place? Instead of just the normal financial concerns of how to afford having children, you have to add the amount of money you have to spend just have the chance to have a child.

BUT, ever the optimists, we decided to try and figure something out. We started saving and fund raising. We cut back our spending to practically nothing. Want a candy bar? Nope. We need to save the money for IVF. We stopped eating out, cut down our cable bill and stopped going shopping for anything that wasn’t a necessity. There was a time when I bought a pair of $50 shoes without batting an eye. Now, I side eye shoes priced over $15 and only buy them if I have worn through the soles on my only pair. So here we are today, moving forward (finally) with IVF and speaking out so that other's know they are not alone.

That is why I have such a passion for Infertility Awareness and NIAW is especially important to me. I believe that we need to change the social stigma that surrounds infertility and educated each other about what infertility looks like and what the treatment options are. It is a taboo subject in our society which makes many people afraid to talk about it or speak up when they are suffering. We infertiles beat ourselves up enough, we already feel broken or damaged and making infertility a taboo subject makes us feel like outcasts.

So speak up, support your friends who are suffering from infertility and educate yourself so you understand what it means to be infertile and what the treatment options are. No one should go through a journey like this alone.

Go to the Then Comes Family facebook page and download a banner to use as your Facebook cover picture to let everyone know that you support the 1 in 8 who suffer from infertility: https://www.facebook.com/ThenComesFamily?fref=ts

For more information and understanding the disease of infertility, check out:
http://www.resolve.org/about-infertility/what-is-infertility/

For  more information about NIAW go here:
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

For Friends and Family of those who suffer from infertility, click here:
http://www.resolve.org/support/for-family--friends/

We are moving forward!

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Gradually, the disappointment of being unable to participate in the study has worn off and it is time to move forward.

After lots of conversations between Steve and I, exploring the possibility of NaPro surgery and discovering that it won't work for me and a phone consult with my new doctor, we have decided to move forward with a May/June IVF cycle! We are finally going to have a chance at conceiving Baby Lane!

It's exciting and scary at the same time. My doctor believes that we have an excellent chance of being successful with one attempt and our chances are even greater with one round of IVF and a (hopefully not needed) second round with an FET (frozen embryo transfer).

We will start the ball rolling with blood tests at the end of the week and I'll be going in to meet with my doctor in about two weeks for a saline sonogram to kick things off... which is when payment is due (gulp). We've had so many generous donations to our IVF Fund and appreciate them greatly. We wouldn't be able to move forward without them. Now, we're in our final push for fund raising and every little bit helps (and I really do mean ANY, from $0.50 to $20, we will be grateful)!

If you'd like to contribute, check out our fundraising site here.

Update on our Study Participation

Going through infertility treatments has a lot of ups and downs and sadly, I've experienced another down. Unfortunately it looks like the study is going to close earlier than expected which means I will not be able to participate.

While we are disappointed, we knew that we weren't guaranteed a spot until I was able to complete my blood work. It's frustrating to feel like we've been shut down every time we've tried something new but that does not mean we are giving up! We will continue to save and fund-raise until we reach our goal and realize our dream.

Thank you for all for your continued support!

Finally Getting Closer!

I haven't updated my blog in a while because, well, I haven't really had any new news on the IVF front but today, I can say, we may finally be moving forward. We stopped IUI's in May and have been saving and fund raising ever since we found out IVF was our only option. We've continued to live our lives to the fullest, are happy and healthy and celebrate every wonderful day we get to spend with one another. Not surprisingly, however, my infertility and only treatment option are never far from my mind as I continue to support my friends in their journey's. 

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In the fall, a friend told me about a clinical trial for a new IVF medication but study participants have to be between the ages of 35 and 42. I was still 34 so I couldn't qualify for the study and I pushed it from my mind. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I was drinking some coffee and starting my day when a question popped into my head, "I will be 35 in a few weeks, I wonder if that study is still running?" I looked up the study online and discovered that it is still going on and that a clinic in Reno is participating. I immediately called the clinic, explained my situation and was put on hold. When the receptionist came back she asked me a few more questions and scheduled me for a consult! The deadline for participant enrollment is at the end of March and they wanted to fit me in for an appointment as soon as they had one available.

I was elated. Not only could this be our chance to do IVF, but the study is for a new medication that would be more affordable than the current medications used during a typical IVF cycle. Even if it doesn't work for me, I could be given the opportunity to provide valuable information to the medical community as they develop new and better medications to use in the IVF process. In addition, the study covers the cost of the most expensive medication used in IVF and offers a discount for the procedure.

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On our appointment day, Steve and I drove the two hours to Reno to meet with our (potential) new doctor and staff. Unfortunately, suffering from infertility and going through multiple failed rounds of treatments has left me overly prepared for disappointment. While I had hope, I am a realist. The criteria for disqualifying study candidates is long and the closer we got the clinic, the more certain I was that I would not meet the criterion for becoming a participant.

At our appointment, we met the nurse and doctor with whom I would be working. They were both very nice and put us both at ease. We sat down with the doctor and after an hour of talking, discussing my diagnoses, the vitamins and supplements I take, response to medication, failed treatment cycles and options for moving forward (he is in agreement with my former doctor in recommending IVF with ICSI), he explained the details of the study and said that I am a potential match as a study candidate. After a brief TV ultrasound, he said that everything looks good for moving forward and he gave us all the study paperwork and instructions for when to return.

At the end of March, I will go back for another ultrasound and blood work. If everything still looks good, I will begin prep for IVF. It is not yet guaranteed that I will be a study participant but so far, so good. It's progress.

The entire IVF process is not a mad dash, it is more like a slow crawl towards an ever moving finish line. Patients are constantly evaluated, with ultrasounds and blood tests, to determine if the medications are working and how quickly (or sometimes slowly) follicles are developing. Dosages are changed as are expected egg retrieval dates. All-in-all, we expect to travel to and from Reno no fewer than 12 times and the study length is 42 days. We're closer than we've ever been to have a chance to reach our dream of becoming parents and we welcome all the prayers and positive vibes you can spare. It has not been and will not be an easy path but it is one that we are excited to embark upon.

So, that's my update! We are thrilled at the prospect of finally being able to move forward and are dazzled by the idea that within a year, we could have our own tiny human. We know that we have had many of you praying for us and sending us good thoughts along the way and are grateful for all the love and support everyone has shown us. We cannot express how much it means to know that you all care. Thank you for your continued love and encouragement as you follow our journey, it's what gets us through.

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I will post more blog updates as we go through the final study approval process and then (hopefully) IVF. As always, my main goal with this blog is to inform and educate. I hope you continue to join us on our Quest for Baby Lane.

We still need your help! If you'd like to contribute and help make our dreams come true, 

please click on the "How to Help" tab at the top of the page.

Cast off the Island of Fertiles, Meet Meagan

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Infertility is hard to talk about, for those who live with it and for those who have never experienced it. I imagine that it’s mostly because infertility revolves around reproduction, which revolves around what happens in a couple’s bedroom. That makes it a touchy subject.

However, while people may be uncomfortable talking about reproduction, they bring it up children all the time without batting an eye: “How long have you been married?” is always followed by, “Do you have any children?” A seemingly well-meaning question, one asked out of curiosity with perhaps an attempt to find common ground. Yet that can sometimes be a difficult or awkward question when asked of someone who is infertile, especially because the answer, “No.” is often followed up with the question of, “Why not?” or “When will you have children?”

This leaves someone who is infertile in an awkward spot. If they answer honestly, “We don’t have children because (insert IF diagnosis here)” the question asker often feels uncomfortable because they a) don’t understand what that means, or b) didn't really want to know that much about your reproductive system. Sometimes, answering the question honestly also leads to well-intentioned but uneducated advice: “Well, I am sure if you just relax, it will happen” which is crushing when you have a medical diagnosis for a condition that prevents you from having children. It implies that “just relaxing” will take your disease away.

I’d like to change all that. I would like people to feel comfortable answering the often asked question. I would like people know and understand infertility and everything that goes with it. If the general public has an understanding of what infertility is and what the treatment options are, as well as an understanding that anyone can be infertile, it will lead to more compassion and understanding all around.

This is why, when my online friend Meagan offered to guest post on this blog, I was delighted and immediately took her up on her offer. It is important to understand everyone’s story and diagnosis, to hear their own perspective and outlook, to better understand what other’s go through so that we may be more sensitive, more understanding and more supportive.

Let’s break the silence about infertility together. So everyone, meet Meagan!

Tell us a little about yourself. I am 30 and hubby is 32. We have been married for 2 years, but have been together for almost 10!! We live in the Deep South. In the two years we have been married, I have watched (almost like an outer body experience) my body fail me. Right after we were married (two weeks) I was diagnosed with a dermoid tumor that had to be surgically removed. During that surgery it was discovered I had Stage 2 Endometriosis. We were told that if we were going to have kids, it was now or never. We never got the "honeymoon" period of being newlyweds. We had a missed ectopic that resulted in another surgery to remove my right tube less than a year after my previous surgery. This has left me with an abnormal right ovary (I do not ovulate from this side) and a poly-cystic left ovary and a left tube. In literal terms, I am at 50% capacity on natural TTC. 

The topic of infertility is often a taboo subject, why do you think that is and what do you think we can do to change that? I think it's because it's uncomfortable to talk about. It's deeply personal. IF consumes who that person is, and no one knows how to deal with that. To change that perception, we need to educate. I operate under the rule that I cannot get upset or mad at anyone if they say something insensitive because they do not know what I am going through. In that regard, I try to live my life according to that thought. I cannot walk a mile in someone else's shoes if I make no effort to understand what they are dealing with. That requires me to educate myself and LISTEN. I think if we can reach the "everyday" person we will make better headway in raising awareness of IF.

How long have you been trying, what is your diagnosis, what treatment methods have you tried (and if you feel comfortable) what has been the financial cost of treatment? We have only been trying a little over a year. In that time, we have been pregnant once that ended in a missed ectopic. That, in turn, ended up in emergency surgery because of a partially ruptured right tube. Our IF issues are strictly on me, the double whammy of Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis have made it so my RE was amazed we got pg in the first place. Right now, I am at the very beginning of my IF journey. We are doing Clomid (I am on my third cycle now) with TI (timed intercourse) and trigger. Our IF journey will lead to IVF, we were told that in our initial consult and it hasn't changed. It knocks the wind out of your sails to hear that. Financially, even doing TI (which is cheap in comparison) is still quite expensive and very time consuming.

Many people have ideas (or misconceptions) in their head already of what treatment will be like. Did anything about treatment surprise you? Oh gosh, yes! I remember going into our consult with the RE thinking "this is it! We are gonna get our baby!!" I figured I would swallow a magic pill and end up pregnant. I was COMPLETELY wrong!! I didn't think that it would be so time consuming. I have to plan my life around monitoring appointments, BDing, etc. It's crazy!! I, in essence, feel like a lab rat every month. Also, I hate needles and in IF, your life revolves around them.

How does being infertile affect your life? IF consumes my life. No matter how hard I try not to let it, it sneaks in and takes over. The thing about infertility that no one thinks about is that it IS a disease. It affects a person physically, mentally, and emotionally. I thought I had a lot of triggers in life being a loss mom, but adding IF on to that and it's ridiculous!! I have been told so many times that I need to relax and reduce my stress and I will magically get pregnant. No, I will not if my ovary does not produce a good enough egg. I think that is where there is a disconnect. Even my hubby thinks that if I reduce my stress, it will be "fixed". IF doesn't just go away because stress is reduced or you lose weight or get drunk. It is still there, lurking, waiting to remind you of what you cannot do.

What made you decide to “come out” about your infertility? OR Are you open about your infertility? I think for me, it was because I didn't want to handle the questions. Those that knew about our loss were already asking if we were going to try again. I wanted to cut those off at the pass if I could. Not to mention, where I live in the Deep South, having children is a right of passage. We (women) are raised that having children is the greatest blessing we can have. I believe that is true, but I do not think that loss moms or IF moms need to be looked down on because we cannot do what others can. I do not go around shouting that I am infertile, but if someone asks, I am very open about what we are dealing with. I do not believe in sugar coating things and I lay it out straight. It tends to make people think about those probing questions b/c sometimes the answer is not what they want to hear.

Everyone knows that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month but few people know it is also Pregnancy Loss and Remembrance month. As someone who has experienced a loss, what do you think is the most important thing for people to know in order to support someone close to them who has experienced a loss? I just wrote about this in my blog post. I think the most important thing to do for someone who has experienced loss is to listen. Be present. There is a lot of stigma associated with pregnancy loss. Loss moms experience a lot of guilt b/c they feel it's their fault their baby died. It's not. Being there, being present, and supporting loss parents during this raw time is the best thing to do. Do not ask if you can do something, do it. They will thank you, after, when they can breathe again. My best friend drove 2 hours to be with me after our loss. I could hardly say two words to her, but she was there for a whole weekend to help us. She cleaned, brought me flowers, and held my hand. I will never forget that as long as I live. She did not trivialize what we went through and she held on to our memory with us. A good thing to do is, if you know loss parents, to light a candle on October 15th. It is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day. Light a candle in honor of a child and let that parent know. It will mean more to them than anything. Any time you can mention their child, you are validating their loss, reminding them you have not forgotten.

What is something you would really like people to understand about infertility? It doesn't go away if you "just relax" or "go on vacation" or "get drunk". It is a disease like diabetes. It's always there and for some it requires taking daily medications to have a body even marginally ready for pregnancy. Just for IF, I take 5 different medications and supplements to prepare my body. I have been doing this since July. It sucks to be reminded daily that I take this pill b/c this is low or I take this b/c my cycles are stupid. It will never go away and because of everything we are having to go through, hubby and I are talking about whether we want more than one child. This is something those unaffected by IF will never understand. It's heartbreaking and soul shattering and physically exhausting. It's a roller coaster with more valleys than peeks, but it jerks you around hard. It's degrading, demeaning, and plants a scarlet letter across your chest. It's scars, tears, and mourning of hopes and dreams. Mostly, it's lonely. Couples have been cast off the island of the fertiles. They have been relegated to the island of misfits, where their intimate life is figured down to a science.

Thanks so much for letting me do this!! I appreciate the opportunity. 

The Walk of Hope

"The name "Walk of Hope" embodies the emotion that most people living with infertility feel. They are hopeful their dreams of family come true. Some hope to simply find a peaceful resolution to their infertility journey. A Walk of Hope is an event that represents the infertility journey—a series of small steps, each one filled with hope and a reminder that no one should walk on this journey alone." source

On Saturday the 20th, I went to Resolve's Nor Cal Walk of Hope and it was an awesome experience. For those who don't know, Resolve is The National Infertility Association. They provide support and resources to people with infertility, treatment, those who have experienced a loss, those going through adoption, resources for friends, family members and so much more. They are an awesome resource and advocate for those struggling with infertility.

I got to the State Capitol at 9am and met up with my sister and niece, checked in and then walked around a bit. There were booths for the local IF clinics and they were giving out all kinds of free gifts; water bottles, t-shirts, pens and paper, reusable grocery bags with their logos on them and Resolve was giving away free FRERs and OPKs! There were also booths for support groups, and a booth for The Art of IF.

 

 

Then, a new friend Janell, met up with us. It was really nice to meet someone in real life who is going through all this and understands the struggles and ups and downs of infertility.

Around 10am The Resolve staff and MC for the event started the rally and the Sac State cheerleaders got everyone warmed up for the walk. There were prizes awarded to the team with the most people, best dressed fur baby and the team that raised the most money for Resolve. Then it was time for the walk to begin. Everyone lined up with their teams and walked through a big group of cheerleaders cheering us on. It was like at a football game, when they announce the players and they run through the double lines of cheerleaders - pretty cool!

One of the cool things was that there were women with babies and pregnant women there as well. One of the pregnant women was wearing a shirt that read: "5 Years and 4 Cycles of IVF" it was written across her baby bump. The back of her shirt read: "Don't ever give up." I love to see that those who have struggled with IF hold the rest of us and our feelings in their hearts. We are still supported and cheered on by those who have finally had success.

It was a really cool experience and I am honored to have been able to take part in such an awesome event.